anxiety, autism, autisticspectrum, Body dysmorphia, Bodydysmorphicdisorder, depression, expat, family, mental health, mental illness, parenting, postnatal, postnataldepression, recovery

Shackles. 

And you can't imagine how it might feel, To live trapped inside a broken mind. Spinning around in ferocious, meaningless circles, Faster, faster. Useless. Fat. Guilty. Unworthy. Failure. Disgusting. Thoughts of all the ways you would love to stand out, And of all the ways you simply need to disappear. Thinking of a million, beautiful reasons to… Continue reading Shackles. 

anxiety, autism, autisticspectrum, Body dysmorphia, Bodydysmorphicdisorder, bodypositivity, depression, expat, family, mental health, mental illness, parenting, postnatal, postnataldepression, recovery

Tired.

Sex in the dark, breathing in. Sleeping at awkward angles. Cramped up arms and back. Shallow breathing brings relief. Alarm rings. Groundhog Day. Baggy clothes to hide in. Tied up hair and shades. Peeing with the door open, shush-shushing to  wipe. Nap time and coffee. Social media blues. Work trip inadequacies. Jealousy. Anger. Regret. Tears.… Continue reading Tired.

anxiety, autism, autisticspectrum, Body dysmorphia, Bodydysmorphicdisorder, bodypositivity, depression, expat, family, mental health, mental illness, parenting, postnatal, postnataldepression, recovery

Wednesday. 

Rolling out of bed, baby in my arms, it's 10am.  We didn't sleep, he knew that, and he left us in bed.  The floor is swept, the bin is empty.  I smile, those small things tell silently that he loves me.  I put on my dressing gown.  I know we will mostly be alone today,… Continue reading Wednesday. 

anxiety, autism, autisticspectrum, depression, expat, family, mental health, mental illness, parenting, postnatal, postnataldepression, recovery

Son. 

I stare at you across the table. When did I stop being excited by how much you're growing? When did your milestones become more expected than exciting? Why is parenting so hard? You have been through so much, this year. I see it on you, and I feel the pain with you. It is a… Continue reading Son. 

anxiety, autism, autisticspectrum, depression, expat, family, parenting, postnatal, postnataldepression

Protected: “But he looks so ‘normal’..”.

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